The Kitten and the Bear

We're off

2010-04-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

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Hello friends!

Well today is the day, and we are off. This is only my second overseas trip ever, which is why I'm so excited. This afternoon we fly to Auckland and are staying with my grandmother in my childhood home. Then on Thursday we fly to Sydney. I have convinced Adam to take the laptop with us so I will post if I can! I'm so excited it's stupid!

Happy Weekend!

2010-04-18T04:33:00.000-07:00

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Well the weekend is almost over for me, but happy weekend to those of you in other parts of the world with a few more hours left.

This weekend was really fun. On Friday I met Adam and a friend in town after work. We had dinner at a great cheap and cheerful Malaysian place. After that we went to a fancy beer bar in town where they have a ridiculous amount of imported beers. Adam was incredibly excited.

Then on Saturday we slept in and then headed to a friends wedding in the city. I really love weddings, and this one was beautiful, held in an old museum hall. The reception was lots of fun, great food and wine and lots of people I hadn't seen for a while. We have both been really reclusive for the past few months, and I'm been avoiding social situations like the plague, but this went better than I expected and I had a great time. I also had a few glasses of wine, which probably made things seem less awkward than they would have been otherwise.

Today I've spent the whole day in my jarmies. We watched a documentary about identical twins. I did some internetting. I'm not ready to go to work tomorrow, but on the plus side I only have two days of work this week and the we are off to Sydney for two weeks! Hooray! I can't wait.

I have lots of jobs to do before we leave for Auckland on Wednesday and I probably won't have time for blogging or commenting until I get back. We are not taking the laptop overseas in case it gets stolen so will be relying on hotel computer access. This has all become so much a part of my life over the past few months (particularly reading and commenting) that it's going to be strange not going through my daily routine. But also I think it might be good to have a break from the internet for a while. I think that it might have something to do with my increasing social anxiety and withdrawal from the world. I feel no need to even turn my cell phone on anymore, because I just don't care. I am getting all my need for social contact from Adam, my work colleagues, and bloggers. There is something not good about that, to feel like I don't need (or want) to participate in the real world anymore.

One more thing on a brighter note: this week we watched Young Frankenstein, which you haven't seen you definitely should. Since then I may have watched this scene about 50 times. It's so funny it makes me cry with laughter:

Have a fantastic week everyone!

One week to go!!

2010-04-14T00:15:00.000-07:00

Oh boy oh boy oh boy! This time next week we will be on our way to Sydney! Hooray!

This song below used to be on a television ad campaign when I was a child promoting Australian tourism and since then it has always reminded me of Australia

Françoise

2010-04-13T00:22:00.000-07:00

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Isn't Francoise Hardy just stunning? I love the simplicity of her style. Can you tell I'm loving bangs right now?

Happy Monday!

2010-04-11T17:57:00.000-07:00

I'd do anything to have a longer weekend. We had nice time travelling up the coast, we stopped and had a snack at a beach side bar, then went to a friends farm to cuddle their new puppies (10 in total! so cute).
Last night we watched movies (Raising Arizona and Zelig), and then this morning I work up early in a wave of anxiety. It took hours to get to sleep and it was really unpleasant - you know that feeling when you feel like you've forgotten something really important or done something terrible and been found out.

Some of those feelings were based in reality ( worrying about overdue parking tickets and fines, registering the car, forgetting to sign a form at work, worrying about running out of money on our holiday to Sydney) and others were blown out of all proportion which I think is due to being partly dreaming and the anxiety culminating into something bigger than it needed to be. I hate that feeling. Recently my normal anxious disposition has gotten worse, particularly over things which usually don't concern me or matter that much ( I hyperventilated over buying hot rollers! ).

Things are looking better in the day light. I embrace relaxation and rational thought!

In other news, wouldn't it be great to live on a houseboat?

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Aren't they so beautiful? I feel more relaxed just looking at them.

Happy Weekend!

2010-04-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

Hooray! It's the weekend and I'm so thankful. Right now Adam is at the supermarket getting things to make Buckwheat Pancakes for breakfast and I'm going to brew some coffee.

The sun is shining but the air is crisp. This weekend is pretty relaxed for us, we are traveling up the coast a little bit for a friends graduation so we'll make it into a mini road trip and sing along in the car.

Photo by me

Photo by me - this is Gnorman the Gnome. I made him and he travels in the car with us.

He always looks a little queasy.

That's us!

Have a fantastic weekend everyone! What are you all up to, and what are you looking forward to over the next couple of days?

I'm not ready

2010-04-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

It's getting cold again, and it's too early.
We had a miserable excuse for a summer here, with only about 6 weeks of intermittent warmth and sunshine. At least that's what it felt like.
And now, the cold has returned.

I need some nourishment today. I want hot tea and coffee, a warm bed, an open fire, warm porridge with milk and brown sugar, toast with jam, socks, a good book, hot whiskey and lemon.

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I also took a ~~completely illegitimate and undeserved~~ sick day. I'm in bed with a hot water bottle and I'm going to take advantage of the fact that Adam is at work by watching a shameless chick flick in all it's glory.

Also, here is a song I really love. It's a Radiohead cover by Gillian Welch. I loves me a bit of alt-country.

This Little Bird

2010-04-06T16:55:00.000-07:00

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I love Marianne Faithfull's style. What an icon. I found a copy of her autobiography while thrifting over a year ago, and it's been sitting on my nightstand unread ever since. It's on my to-do list. These photos make me want to get bangs and make shift dresses.

To the beach

2010-04-06T01:43:00.000-07:00

How long must I dream
To Helen

Above the strip of beach a full moon
Skewers the Northern sky,
Just beyond the city's phosphorescent
Fingers of light.

From the cabin behind the dunes
Roy Orbison's soul is making
The silver darkness shiver & gleam.
His sweet grieving song mingles
In the grumbling tide.

On the edge of the water
Where the sand is firm an old man
In a suit with no shoes dances
A foxtrot alone.
As the tide draws & drags his feet
He places his hands where his partner's
Hips would be & hold her steady & firm
For one long gentle kiss

- Rae Desmond Jones

from 'Blow Out' Island 2009

All images above are via Aquabumps, which is an amazing website, the photographer is an astonishingly talented man Eugene Tan. We will be putting it on our list to visit the actual gallery in Bondi Beach while we are there. Truly incredible.

Movies of the Week

2010-04-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

Adam and I watch ALOT of movies each week. Probably every night we watch something different and on the weekends, several. We have become much more reclusive in the past few months, content in being with each other, wrapped up in blankets.

I haven't turned my cellphone on in over two weeks, or been to any of the social events we've been invited to. I'm not sure why this has happened, usually we are much more involved with the world. When we first started seeing each other Adam would always be dragging me along to some party or another and wanting to go out. He is an extrovert, I am not.

Over the past however long we have been together we have both noticed that we are becoming more like each other in different ways. Adam, always the idealist, has become more of a realist I think. And me, always the pessimist cynic, well I'm starting (very very slowly) to become a little more optimistic. Less tough and independant, more feminine and emotional. He says it's a good thing, I'm not so sure.

Anyway, the point is that Adam has been infected by my love of being a homebody, and now we both love to stay at home behind closed doors, in a warm room and a warm bed and watch movies.

So these are the movies we watched over the past week:

1. L.A Confidential

I really love this film. It had a great plot and amazing style. Kim Basinger looked amazing. I got my hot rollers out to recreate the look - haven't mastered it yet.

2. One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest

I've seen this one several times and loved it. We were in a Jack Nicholson mood this week.

3. Take the Money and Run

This is probably the funniest Woody Allen film I've seen yet. We are working our way through all his films, and after this weekend we will be at #20 out of 36!

4. Julie and Julia

I put off watching this for a long time because I heard mixed reviews, but I really loved this film. I fell in love with Julia Child, she was so vivacious and funny. I loved the line when she took the canneloni out of the pot! This film made me want to eat hollandaise sauce and mayonnaise, and chicken, but we're both vegetarians. I am going to try her mashed potatoes though. I am going to read 'My Life in France' - Julia and her husband just love each other to bits and it was really inspiring.

5. Chinatown

I've seen this before. I love Faye Dunaway, and her cheekbones and style. She is a true beauty, just like Meryll. I love the style of this film. Jack is dashing aswell.

6. Husbands and Wives

This is probably my least favourite of all the Woody Allen films so far. It was pretty close to the bone I think, as it was released when all the shit went down with their marriage breaking up and then the whole scandal (you know the story), and some of the monologues seemed pretty autobiographical. I thought this film was really depressing.

7. Little Big Man

I really loved this film. It was a little graphic a times and there were certainly some scenes I found disturbing but it didn't take away from the overall entertainment of the film.

8. Reds

Wow this film was an epic. We just watched it last night and it was long and involved. But really great. I wished I knew more about the political climate at the time so I could have a bit more context to the story but I did some research afterwards. Adam and I both agreed that if we had been around during this time we would have been part of this movement too. A great love story.

9. Grey Gardens

We actually watched this the week before last, but it was so interesting I wanted to include it. I actually came across this documentary via another blog which had posted an editorial on the fashion of Little Edie, and after looking around the internet found fansites for Little Edie where she was described as a powerful force for independance and autonomy and a fashion icon in her own right. After watching the film, it's pretty clear that Little Edie was completely, batshit crazy. People dress weird when they're mentally unwell - it's called being grandiose and disinhibited (which she cleary was). I found it really disturbing that people were claiming that she was some kind of trailblazer for strong independant women - that's completely false. She was paranoid, delusional and suffering. She wasn't independant, she was living in squalor with her senile mother and living off food stamps. I strongly doubt that she could care for herself. It's really sad. But the film itself is interesting, certainly exploitative I think - and when you find out that the pair actually got pretty screwed over by the filmmakers, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. But there are moments of beauty aswell, which makes it really worth watching.

So those are the movies of the week people! I'd be interested to know if you've seen any of them and what your thoughts were.

Virtual Choir

2010-04-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

This clip is totally amazing. The conductor chose 185 people from all over the world, asked them to download a track of iTunes, asked them to record their individual parts, and then compiled all the clips into one huge chorus:

Three weeks to go...

2010-04-03T20:13:00.001-07:00

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In a little under three weeks we are going on our vacation to Sydney for two weeks! This will be our first overseas trip together, and the first time either of us have been to Australia.
This is also going to be our proper honeymoon, as when we first got married almost a year ago we were financially exhausted to say the least. We ended up being able to stay in a friend of a friends parents beach house (it was more like a mansion, we were so lucky) for a week, watched movies, slept in and drunk the majority of the left over wine from our wedding reception.

So Sydney is going to be our real honeymoon. Also, we are going over to try and get a feel for the city and see if it's somewhere we would like to live.

Things in New Zealand aren't great right now (in my opinion), and there are a lot of things going on that I really don't like, and don't want to stay around to witness, thanks to an unjust and corrupt Government ( if you're actually interested in what I'm referring to click here, here, here, here, here).

I could go on and on. Supporting Japanese whaling? Mining conservation land? Increasing GST, irrational and discriminatory welfare reform, and what I suspect is negotiations between NZ and the US to allow nuclear ships into our waters.

It makes me embarrassed to be a New Zealander that the stand we have taken against things that we, as a country, believe are unethical are being so flippantly pissed all over by a Government too drugged up on money than anything else. Shame on you John Key, you spineless puppet.

Many people in our age group are thinking the same thing, and heading overseas. The message is clear.

So, our trip to Sydney will be a mix of business and as much pleasure as we can afford (read: nothing extravagant but just as enjoyable).
Our list of wishes include:

- a trip to theBlue Mountains
- go here and meet a Dugong
- go here and cuddle a koala
- get me a pair of these, extra long please.
- go to Paddy's Market
- go to The Rocks
- go to Darling Harbour
- go to every beach we can (they deserve a post all to themselves).

And.... thanks to the wonderful internet we got a great deal to stay for a night at The Observatory Hotel, which is meant to be fantastic. Look at the pool:

Mmmm.

Can't wait.

Our Love Story

2010-04-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

Nicole from My Teacups in Peony does a regular post about how people fell in love, and this week it's me and Adam!
Have a look here.

Thanks Nicole!

Getting to know you

2010-03-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

Getting to know you is a regular feature over here and this week I'm joining in:

1 - Why did you start blogging?

I started getting into reading blogs a couple of years ago, then at the beginning of the year thought I would start one too. I like blogging, it makes me feel connected to others, even if I don't post often.

2 - Who's the one blog friend that you would want to meet most in "real life"?

Probably Jenny from The Bloggess. That girl makes me laugh out loud, but I wouldn't call her a blog friend as I'm sure she doesn't know I exist.

3 - Why are you always concerned with losing that "extra 10 pounds" when chances are your husband/boyfriend/friends tell you that you look just fine the way you are?

Why am I concerned with losing it? Probably because I've been brainwashed by the media to think I'm overweight when I'm not. I have alot to say about this, but I'll spare you.

4 - What's the one thing you wish guys could understand about you?

Umm, I don't really care if guys understand me or not anymore because I'm married to a guy that understands me better than anyone in the world.
I'm trying to think of when I was single....I can't even remember. It would have probably been more like "What's the one thing you wish guys could understand about themselves?", which would have been: 'if you're an asshole, it's not polite to pretend to be nice and then inflict yourself on others'.

5 - Tattoos. How many do you have and how many are visible when you wear your "everyday" clothes?

I have four. Three on my back that I got when I was 18/19. None of them I particularly like anymore. And I have one on my left wrist that says "Loved".

6 - What was the best year of your life and why?

Hmm. I really enjoyed being 14/15. Things were so easy, school was easy and fun, I'd just got my first part time job on the checkouts at Foodtown and I was so proud. I got paid $5.60 an hour before tax but I felt rich and independant. And I was doing soul searching stuff that some teenagers do: reading alot of Yeats, painting and journalling and listening to Joni Mitchell. That was a good time, from memory.
I hope that I have better times ahead though, it would be pretty sad to peak at 15.

7 - Name three things you would do if you were a man for one day.

Get drunk, piss on a wall, have sex (hopefully Adam would let me have a free pass for the day otherwise I'd have to have boy sex with him and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't consent to that ), eat horrific amounts of food, maybe get in a fist fight.

8 - What's your alcoholic drink of choice that usually raises a few eyebrows?

A Rusty Nail. Double shot of whiskey and a single shot of drambuie over ice. It's usually an old man's drink but I love it.

That's it!

Pip Lincolne taught me to crochet!

2010-03-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

That's right people! After months of failed attempts and temper tantrums over something as simple as wool, I have completed my first crochet granny square with thanks to Pip from Meet Me at Mikes.
I am incredibly grateful.

Not perfect, but hopefully the first of many. For those of you struggling to grasp crochet I would encourage you to watch Pip's how-to videos. Huzzah!

I'm Sick

2010-03-14T18:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sick, and haven't been around for a while. I have this auto-immune disease that I thought I was well rid of, that has come back with a vengeance. My hands and feet are swollen and sore, my bones ache, I'm exhausted for no reason. I've been worrying that maybe my toenails may pop right off.

Last week I had a bit of a cry because I thought something was seriously wrong, like kidney or liver failure. The doctor said it was unlikely, but possible and ran some tests. I hate this so much. I don't like being sick, and even more I hate obsessing about what awful things could be happening to my body.

I love the internet but one thing it is not good at is reassuring you that you are going to be ok when you enter your symptoms in diagnose-me.com or whatever ("your symptoms indicate you have.......Ebola"). It just fuels my anxiety. I need to just stop it.

I'm such a drama queen most of the time anyway that when I am sick I feel very sorry for myself and pull the whole dying swan routine. This morning, walking to the bathroom , my feet were hurting and I thought to myself "I'm just like The Little Mermaid!" and had a little sob. Seriously how much more self-pitying can you get than that!

Speaking of The Little Mermaid, look at these stunning illustrations by Sulamith Wulfing:

All images from this tribute site.

Interestingly enough, my all time favourite, Stevie Nicks, found inspiration in these paintings and then created the cover art for this album. Funny how you see something and it resonates with you and then realise that it's connected to another thing that really resonates with you.

Anyway this was meant to be a post about MY sickness and now it's ended up being about art and Stevie Nicks. Go figure. Anyway I'm going to the post office now to do some chores and try and cheer myself up.

Here's a clip from that album:

Getting to know you

2010-02-28T13:55:00.000-08:00

Keely has a regular segment on her blog called "Getting to know YOU" and I figured I may as well join in this week:

1. Would you rather bungee jump or sky dive?

Neither. I'm terribly afraid of heights. Even standing on a chair is enough to make me nervous. I've always wanted to be a thrill seeker but my fear of heights has killed that dream. As a child it was very embarrassing needing to be rescued from obstacle courses and the top of the slide after trying hard to push through my fear.

2. When using a public restroom to you squat over the seat or sit?

Definitely squat. I'd rather go in the bush than in public restrooms though. Gross.

3. Favorite flower?

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Peony

4. Pedicure or manicure?

Pedicure. But I do both myself, because it's free!

5. How many siblings do you have?

I have no biological siblings. I have an Uncle ( my mothers brother) who I was raised with, so I call him my brother. He's 11 years older than me. I always wished for brothers and sisters, and I found it lonely growing up without someone in the house who was my age. One day (hopefully) we will have a big family so our children get to experience that.

6. Do you pee in the shower? (gasp!)

No, but I'm sure it's glorious. I don't think it's fair that other people would have to stand in my wees.

7. Bikini, tankini, or one piece?

Unfortunately, none. I haven't been swimming since I was 18 because I'm too self conscious about my body. Sad, huh?

8. Where do you hate to shop at, but go there anyway?

The supermarket. I find it really claustrophobic, especially the produce section where everyone is grabbing and parking their trolleys with wild abandon. And kids driving the trolleys badly and screaming because they can't get the chocolate bar they want. I hate it. Also I'm really indecisive and can spend ages agonising over which type of pasta to get, which is ridiculous. So yeah, not my favourite!

So, there you go! You could head over to Keely's blog and do it yourself if you want!

Word of the Day - Jeepers!

2010-02-24T21:18:00.000-08:00

Holy mackerel it's been an intense day. Work, which has been quiet for ages in now suddenly chaotic and busy. I spent most of the day trying to keep people from punching each other and dealing with families. It's busy and hard work, but really invigorating and rewarding most of the time.

This week we've watched more Woody Allen films, went out for Indian and drank a lot of wine (nothing new there). Tonight we're going to finish watching Desconstructing Harry and make some mix cds for a friend. I'm really looking forward to the weekend. We're going to spend time with some friends and sleep in.

I'm in a really buoyant mood today, so with that in mind here's another song from these guys. I was actually waitressing at the venue when this video was shot, at a great live music venue called Cabaret (now closed down). And yes, that is Bret McKenzie.

Things I'm loving right now

2010-02-21T19:18:00.000-08:00

One of the things I love the most about blogland is that I get exposed to so many things I wouldn't otherwise see.
One artists who has really made my day:

Racheal Anilyse

via racheal anailyse

I just love these, they make me feel magical. Check out Racheals blog here. I really love the idea of illustrating a sketch book from cover to cover. I sometimes find I get visually fatigued by my reader being inundated with really amazing images, but these really grabbed me. I also really like the idea of documenting dreams in a memorable way. I've often tried to keep a dream journal but I forget most of the crucial details a few seconds after waking.

I'm always the main character in my dreams. I'm the star of the movie. I know other people who are in their dreams as spectators and are never directly involved. Most of my dreams seem to have some basis in reality before becoming outlandish and surreal. There is usually something I have to accomplish, some item I need to get or someone I am looking for, and I usually don't reach that point before I wake up. Also I seem to have several dreams each night that I manage to merge together in a way that seems to make sense at the time.

How do you dream?

In the Neighbourhood

2010-02-20T12:49:00.000-08:00

On Friday I finished work early and took a walk around my neighbourhood with my crappy camera:

The place I live is by a beach across the sea from Wellington. There is a ferry that goes from one pier to the other, and business people commute each day. It's the first European settlement in the Wellington region, being settled in January 1840. The first settlers arrived on the ship Aurora., but the settlement was abandoned and everyone moved over to Wellington on account of the settlement resting on a swamp, which is understandable.
New Zealand is a young country. Most of the original architecture remains, which isn't a great feat considering it's only 100 years old. I like the place that I live. It's quaint and feels like a little village. It's multicultural and creative. But my mind is still on Sydney.

Do you live where you do deliberately, or is it just something that happened because of convenience? And if you could, where else on earth would you most like to live?

Happy Weekend!

2010-02-20T12:26:00.000-08:00

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I've been distracted and haven't posted all week. My mind is on other things that are making me feel introspective and glum.
Things have started to pick up at work, which is great. I like feeling like I have some purpose and for the past few weeks it's been like a ghost town.
The weather here has been generally great and it's starting to feel more like summer.
Lots of good things have happened this week, Adam got a new job which is really exciting for him, I've laughed a lot and had some really great times sitting out on the porch talking about everything under the sun.

Some things have happened over the past few months, and because of that I feel like I am probably losing a friend. A really good friend. It makes me really upset that this is happening, but I don't know what else to do except be dishonest and lie about how I feel. I'm apprehensive about sharing too much here but in short, my friend is in a relationship with someone that I don't approve of (for what I consider good reasons). I'm not the only one that thinks that, but I'm the only one who has said anything about it. If it wasn't serious I wouldn't have said anything, but I felt like I needed to because she is my friend and I care about her. Because I spoke up things have been strained between us. And now I think I've probably lost her. It makes me really upset, but I don't know what to do to make things right. She says that until I can support them both she won't be in my life, and I just don't think I can do that, even if I did it wouldn't be real.

Anyway, sorry for the dump but this has been eating away at me for the past few days and I needed to get it out. I don't want to talk to any of my real life friends about it because I don't want to seem like a gossip, so I've just been holding it in.

Happy Valentines Day!

2010-02-14T23:18:00.000-08:00

I used to hate Valentines Day with a passion, usually spending it with a bottle of red wine and Liz Phair's "Exile in Guyville" album.

This year I had a great time. We stayed in and watched Woody Allen films, then had a picnic in the lounge.

I am so thankful for my husband. I am so thankful that I am able to experience love, to love someone else completely and be loved in return.

Here is us at our wedding, and the reading we shared:

Love is a temporary madness,

it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.

And when it subsides you have to make a decision.

You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together

that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness,

it is not excitement,

it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.

That is just being "in love" which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,

and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,

and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,

they find that they are one tree and not two.

- Louis de Bernières

Happy Weekend!

2010-02-12T17:10:00.000-08:00

It's rainy and grey here today, so we are hiding inside watching the Winter Olympics. We are both huge fans of the Olympics and get really devoted. The New Zealand television commentary is just cringe worthy and embarrassing I almost can't handle it.

Before the weather crapped out we raced down to our local farmers market by the river to pick up some eggs and vegetables.
Since watching Food. Inc we have been completely vegetarian and also trying to buy local produce.

Then we went home and I made the most perfect poached egg that I had to document:

Look at how round it is! This makes me happy. Served with fresh sourdough bread, mushroom, onion, baked beans and tofu hotdogs and cottage cheese.

Here are some pictures of our trip to the bookstore last week:

Have a great weekend everyone!

On Death and Dying

2010-02-11T23:43:00.000-08:00

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Today is a sad day. A man with talent and potential and beauty died. Today I also found out that a beautiful, brave woman in the blog world also passed away. One through his own hand and the other through a horrible lottery of life.

I feel for them both. Both were taken before their time.
I have much to say about the willful taking of your own life, which I will save until later. What I will say is that nothing leaves such an unbearable feeling for those that loved that person. I feel for his family and those who loved him as best they can. May he find the peace he was looking for.

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I apologise for the morose posts lately. I'm sure I will return to my usual self soon.

Brighter Things

2010-02-11T12:34:00.000-08:00

Some things have happened this week that have made me feel really disheartened and sad. I know that most people wouldn't be bothered as much as me but I've always been really effected by the changes a Government makes that I don't believe are in the best interests of society.

This article pretty much sums it all up.

It will be really sad to leave Wellington but it seems stupid to stay. I love this city, I love the people. It's a really special place. But it's not worth staying and missing out on the opportunity to start a family.

I have a phone interview for a recruitment agency in Sydney in about 15 minutes. My stomach is in knots.

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It will all be ok.

2010-02-09T14:33:00.000-08:00

via flickr

Today I need an encouraging banner.

Possessions and Lies

2010-02-08T00:59:00.000-08:00

A while ago Chantelle wrote this post about being frugal and refusing to buy non-essentials throughout the month of February. It got me thinking about not buying in to the whole consumerism thing in general. Not just with actions but with my thinking. Then on the weekend I watched a few documentaries about hoarding as a real social problem and started making some connections for myself between the two.

The whole hoarding thing is like watching a car crash. It's really horrible and you feel bad for the people involved, but at the same time it's morbidly fascinating. Anyway I was looking at this site about this poor guy who has just bought endless piles of stuff. I know that there is a mental disorder involved, but something about his need to OWN things really hit home with me.

You know I get heaps of blog posts in my reader each day that have clothes and makeup and furniture and all these other material possessions and I find myself coveting them, and it just seems really wrong. And then when I watched that film I just felt like I was just like them, getting sucked into some false consciousness that if only I could OWN that thing it would make me feel better, more accomplished, that I had arrived, that I was safe.

Don't get me wrong, I love the pretty things in life and wish for certain things and I think that's normal and ok. But only to a point. I've been obsessing about a nail polish for about 3 months now that you can't get in NZ and honestly, I think about it every day. A NAIL POLISH for goodness sake. That's not normal thinking!

There is some part of me that thinks this whole hoarding thing is consumerism on steroids. Corporations want you to buy things so they can make money. They sell you a lie that if you buy a certain product it makes a statement about who you are, and effects how others think of you. The reality is that that is a totally corrupt falsehood - but it's been repeated so often, so much that it has become a social truth. And we are all getting sucked in. Even the 'bohemians' among us.

The whole beauty industry, for example, is all just a corrupt ploy by corporations to make people feel ugly and fat so they can buy a product that "saves" them from themselves. The whole thing is false, but now it's so entrenched in our society that if you see someone who isn't wearing makeup to hide their flaws you feel disdain for them. Even the people that invented that lie in the first place have to conform, or else they are marginalized. I don't even go to the supermarket without putting concealer on anymore - what am I afraid of? That the checkout operator or the guy buying steak are going to look at me and think I'm ugly and therefore a bad person? And tell people they know? There is something seriously, seriously warped about that.

Surely I'm not the only person who feels like this?

Anyway, apologies for the rant. Here's the clip:

Learning to Love You More (again)

2010-02-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

source

Good grief it is SO quiet at work today I think my brain is stagnating. Typically my workplace is incredibly busy and very stressful but for the past 6 weeks or so there has been an eerie lull in activity. There are tumbleweeds blowing down the corridors.
In the beginning it was really refreshing but now it's got to the point where I feel really frustrated. I know that I should be enjoying the quiet times, but I just can't help but feel like there are so many other things I could be doing right now to make better use of my time.

I've spent LOTS of time on the internet today. Hours. Sometimes I get myself lost and disoriented when I spend alot of time looking at blogs because I can't remember where I started. I need to get outside today.

Anyway, a few posts ago I talked about doing a Miranda July project where you ask your family to describe 'what you do'. Well, I got the answers back. I should have told them it wasn't a competition to make me feel good about myself.
Also, I think maybe I should have directed them in some way because they ended up describing what I did for a job rather than how I spent my time. But still, interesting. Here is what I got back.

From my Grandmother/adoptive Mother:

"Naomi works in a very demanding job and amazes me at her commitment to her patients in an area only suitable for those with strength, love and understanding. Naomi is a very giving person and would give you the shirt of her back ifneeded. She has strong opinions and can talk with a great understanding of what she is saying. Naomi has strong political views which she sometimes needs to tone down a little and see things from both sides. I admire herknowledge and her way with words. Naomi gives 100% commitment to her husband and friends. I love her very much and am proud to be her Mum/Grandma."

From my brother:

"Naomi works in a area of society that most would struggle with and likely want to forget exists. She steps in where others are unwilling or unable to help. Amongst the frustration of the job are the rare moments where comfort can be provided or a care plan followed. Her strong views and forceful personality are used to good effect. She operates in the grey areas that those of us that are overly analytical are paralysed by and gives of her own self to provide support and direction for individuals in a place that puts them at odds with themselves and the rest of society. “

From my nephew (8 years) who proudly accepted the assignment saying "It's not surprising you asked me because I'm so good at writing", and then produced this:

"She’s a social worker at a health centre. She gives medicine for coughs, colds and flu’s. " (not true)

Gee, talk about prolific.

This week I'm going to post further on Food.Inc and how it affected me (and more surprisingly my husband).

Also I've been trying to crochet a granny square for a while now but had to give up because I couldn't do it, and I actually CRIED over it. I was so upset I typed " I can't fucking crochet!!!" into Google but apparently no one feels the same. Well this week I'm going to do it, even if it makes me want to drive the crochet hook into my eye. I shall not be beaten by wool crafts dammit!!!

source

In other news, I'm embarrasingly giddy about Valentines Day (!). I've always hated Valentines Day and been the bitter spinster quoting divorce statistics but this year I'm actually excited. I'm not sure if the marketing campaigns have become more effective or if I'm becoming more romantic.

What do you think about Valentines Day, and also, what gifts do you get a man without making their balls shrivel?

Things that saved my sanity this week

2010-02-04T15:36:00.000-08:00

Adam and I have been quarantined in our room all week with sickness and it almost drove us mad. We did lots of laying around and complaining, but it's actually been a pretty cool week.

I got lost on the interwebs and found lots of great stuff:

Hoardhouse - a site exploring the issue of compulsive hoarding in New York was really interesting and sad.

We listened to some epidodes of This American Life, a first for me.

We listened to the lullaby renditions of popular rock bands on this site, and got baby envy.

In the real world we watched these movies:

Continuing our quest to watch every Hitchcock film ever made

Because I've never seen a Woody Allen movie. This was so great

This movie was amazing. More on this later.

We also went to the second hand bookstore and stocked up, returned to vegetarianism and went to an outdoor music festival to celebrate Bob Marley's birthday. And I don't even like reggae.

Also these guys have been making me happy this week. They are just another reason why living in Wellington is so great.

Happy weekend everyone!

Songwriting and the Norovirus

2010-02-03T02:08:00.000-08:00

So for the past two days Adam and I have been feverish and delusional with the

Norovirus. In between spewing and watching the final season of The O.C, Adam composed a song entitled "Tapdancing Octopus", which we then recorded a few times on Garage Band. It's yet to be perfected, but when it is it shall be posted. In the meantime I leave you with one of my most favourite songs ever, and someone who would surely give a worthy rendition of "Tapdancing Octopus":

First Roll of Holga

2010-01-31T21:25:00.000-08:00

Adam bought me a Holga for my birthday last year and we finally got a couple of the rolls back. None of the photos taken after dark turned out, and there are some places in the film which are completely transparent, which I guess is the deal with a plastic camera!
Here are some of my favourites. The rest can be found on our flickr account over on the right there.

Homecoming

2010-01-30T13:28:00.000-08:00

Thank you to Jess for posting and linking to Coming Home, an amazing piece of photojournalism documenting the revisiting of childhood homes.

As a very young child I spent most of my life at my grandparents, but my mind remembers only the times I lived at my parents. Apparently I only lived there for about three months in my whole life, but it felt like it was my entire world.

The house itself was an old villa. A cyan/turquoise colour on some parts of the outside. Old wooden floors. A black toilet seat that frightened me. A shed out in the garden that was not to be entered under any circumstances. I remember there was a kitten who promptly ran away, it had obviously gathered that getting away from that house would be it's best bet of survival. A crocheted bed cover, old records, a mattress on the floor.

I remember a neighbour had a disabled son who I was terrified of, because I was young and didn't understand. I thought he was going to eat me, and remember screaming for my mother to pick me up but she wouldn't. Probably because she wasn't physically strong enough to.

I thought that there was a four poster bed in that house with billowing draped fabric hanging from it, but I think I may have imagined that. I watched MacGyver and Sesame Street on the television.

As a teenager I stood outside that house for a while. It was painted white and had a mobility ramp leading up to the door. I hoped that the people living there now fill that house with the joy that was absent in 1984.

Happy Birthday Adam

2010-01-30T01:12:00.000-08:00

It was a momentous occasion in our household this week, as my dear husband, Adam, turned 30.
Adam is one of those people who loves celebrations and holidays, so in the name of milking it, we had a three day long celebration, ending in us watching The O.C in bed surrounded by bags of Cheetos, Doritos and Combos his parents had sent over in a care package from The States. American cheesy things have a strange artificial colour to them and they're almost florescent. Not that that put me off.

Last night we went out to dinner with friends. Adam wanted an ice-cream cake which didn't make the journey but was still edible. Wellington was completely over-run with bogans, in town to see AC/DC play.

Some photos of the last few days:

It's a Saturday night here and it's hot. We're drinking beers and watching a program about a man who only eats biscuits. Life is good.

Going West

2010-01-29T16:13:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad I accidentally found this clip today, which features one of my favourite books of all time, Going West by Maurice Gee.

I first read this book as a teenager, living in West Auckland (where parts of the book are based). The darkness of the story was somehow lost on me until I read it over and over again as an adult. The fact it's set in West Auckland (where I grew up and lived as a child) and in Wellington (where I live as an adult) thrills me as familiar streets and walkways are named and described. I can picture each address, visually tour every winding Wellington street and steep, steep stairway. The darkness of humanity described is deep and heavily layered. The characters allow themselves to be transparent in their brokenness, but the truly disturbing unsettling depths of their iniquity is kept hidden and cloaked.

Shoebox Living

2010-01-29T15:42:00.000-08:00

Thanks to post from Old Sweet Song popping up in my reader I've spent a long time today completely fixated by Shoebox Living: Through the Eyes of a Child. This exhibition took 125 children between the ages of 8-10 living in one of London's most impoverished areas and asked them to recreate their bedroom or a room in their home within a shoe box and write a short paragraph describing what they made.

Some are charming and funny, others heartbreaking and sad (the child that created a pub because that's where he spends all his time).

Learning to Love You More Pt2

2010-01-14T17:11:00.000-08:00

Carrying on the theme of significance,
this post by Ryan at one of my favourite blogs Pacing the Panic Room just totally ripped my guts out.

That guy is a damn good writer.
That post made we want to drag my husband out of work and get someone to take photos of us. To document how much I love him. To have something our children can look at and show their children.

It made me want to dig out some photos. Today is summer in Wellington, but it's cold and stormy. So I'm posting some pictures from my trip to Nepal, where I was this time last year.

Learning to Love You More

2010-01-14T15:20:00.000-08:00

Image via Daydream Lily

I'm having a really reflective day.
Today I am thinking alot about what is mundane, and what is significant.

The reason I started thinking about this was largely based on what I felt when I read this post from Diana at our.city.lights. I really appreciated that post and the honesty and feeling behind it, as well as the truth of her words. And I started thinking about what is mundane and what is significant. What is the stuff in life that really doesn't matter, and what are the things we should be hanging onto with dear life?

Since starting blogging this week I have been reading different opinions from people about what makes a blog appealing, and also widening my own reading list to gain some perspective. Some people are saying clearly "No one Cares What You Had for Lunch", while other people are just as clearly saying "We WANT TO KNOW what YOU had for lunch!". Can there be beauty in the mundane? And is that beauty something that is only beautiful to me, or should it be shared?

I want my life to be a beautiful, significant life. I want to have moments that I want to capture and hold onto. I don't want to go through the motions, obsess about a particular colour of nail polish (which I have been) and never engage with life apart from being a consumer. At the same time, I also don't want to be so weighed down with philosophical thoughts that I spend my time being pretentious, introspective and "deep". I'm a girl. I like dressing up and talking about shoes.

So in the interest of trying to find that balance I have been reading about some of the assignments created for the interactive art project Learning To Love You More, created by artist Miranda July.

Although this project stopped receiving submissions ages ago, the assignments themselves still have the ability to produce value and meaning because of the way it forces people to engage with life in a different way.

I'm in the process of completing two of the assignments. I'm going to send a card to a stranger, and have also asked my family to write a desciption of what I do, so I can post them here.
Already these assignments, particularly the latter, have started to create change in the way I engage with life. Hell, talking existentialism and philosophy with my family has never happened before but it has now:

Brother: You want me to write about what you do?

Me: Yeah, you know, what I DO

Brother: So, what do you mean "what you do"

Me: Well, it can mean whatever you think it means, it's open to your interpretation

Brother: Ok, well send me a list of questions and I'll answer them

Me: That's not really idea though, it's meant to be interpreted in whatever way you think it should be

Brother: (awkward silence) Ok

Me: Ok

Please Forgive my Sorry Ass

2010-01-12T19:10:00.000-08:00

This article posted yesterday on the Wall Street Journal talks about the increase of people apologising for their wrongs (sometimes decades after the event) via social networking sites.

The accessibility that we have to others, even people we never talk to in real life, people we haven't seen since we were eating crayons together as young children, means it's easy for us to track down those we feel we have wronged and try to make amends.

This got me to thinking about a couple of things. Firstly, do social networking sites provide us with a certain amount of bravado, so we can say the things we never had the balls to in person? (I'm voting yes)

Secondly, following on from a conversation I had with my husband last week, I've been thinking a lot about things that happened a long time ago I feel sorry for and things I feel ashamed of. Like deep, face-burning-im-a-terrible-person shame.

For him, it's pushing his brothers face into a water fountain when they were very small and cutting his lip by accident. For me, it's a long and involved story involving karaoke, a bar bathroom, the Irish, and later on...Astroturf and a white delivery van.

Would confessing historical sins, and making amends actually make a difference to the way I feel about myself? Because seriously, I've got bucket loads of guilt about a whole variety of stupid crap and I've carried that for so long that I just don't think it's going away.
But for some people confessing, anonymously even, must be liberating because the interwebs are full of sites like this one where people are "getting naked" and revealing their secret shame.

If I had to track down someone to apologise to from my childhood it would probably have to be a girl named Carissa. When we were about six a popular game was "Swapsies" where you traded something you had for something you wanted. Carissa had these amazing red shoes. I wanted them SO bad. Anyway somehow I managed to convince her that it would be a fair trade if she swapped me her shoes for 12 collectable wrestling cards. I think I may have even told her that "boys will like you better" if she had these cards. Which were lame.

Anyway it worked and she traded her SHOES for these stupid cards. I knew at the time that it was an unfair trade. I even felt pangs of guilt as I saw her walking home from school with no shoes. But I was so obsessed with these red shoes I just didn't care.
Luckily for me and Carissa when I got home I was royally told off and made to return the shoes the next day. But I probably wouldn't have if I wasn't threatened by my parents.

And a secret to confess? Meh, I don't think I have any. I'm a pretty open person. Once when I was a child I hid in the garden and peed into a bucket because I was too lazy to go ALL THE WAY inside and go to the bathroom. That's probably about it.

What's in my bag?

2010-01-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

Ok so on my recent exploits around the interwebs I've noticed a lot of people posting on what is in their handbag.

There are flickr groups here and blogs dedicated to the subject here, here and here.

Personally I find posts like these interesting, mainly because I'm a nosy parker. What I have noticed however is that not only are most of the bags featured INCREDIBLY tidy, some of the items seem like they have things people have put in there just to look cool. Like when you hide all your embarrassing Aqua CDS and put your cool ones out when friends come over.

As for me, my handbag is like some kind of sinkhole. The only thing I can find in it without struggle is exactly what I'm not looking for. And it's anything but tidy. Not that I look into it. I prefer to stick my hand in like I'm drawing a raffle and see what I get. It's like a lucky dip.

The most interesting thing is how these endless pictures of TIDY bags makes me feel. I long to be organised, to get a thrill from sniffing new stationery and colour coding things, but it's just not going to happen. I'm a very messy person and I don't think I can change.

Surely I'm not the only person in the world who has a handbag of horror?

So for the purpose of making all you messy people feel better about yourselves (and to make the organised feel disgustingly smug) I am posting pictures of my bag below. Don't judge!

Here are the contents in no particular order:

- one black studded wallet
- one orange purse (unused)
- a swipe card for work with a lolly stuck onto it
- an empty miniature perfume bottle
- a note from a friend (no idea who) that says "love yo ways"
- 3 empty packets of panadol
- 6 migraine tablets
- one old amethyst ring
- some Hong Kong coins
- two pens
- one kajal eye stick
- phone charger
- phone
- two empty packets of tampons
- a white plastic bangle
- an old crushed cigarette
- an old cigarette case (empty)
- a make up bag
- deodorant
- pottle of shea butter cream
- weight watcher points calculator (unused)
- a vintage glasses case (empty)
- half a paper party hat
- a vodafone receipt
- two supermarket receipts
And a whole bunch of crap I found from my trip to Nepal A YEAR AGO
- a train ticket for the Hong Kong airport express
- a combination lock
- 100 nepalese rupees
- 2 receipts from the Kathmandu guest house
- volunteer service id
- kathmandu city visitors pass
- some nepalese business cards
- a note to someone telling them I had gastroenteritis (!)
- some brown substance, most likely tobacco, but who knows
AND
- a cryptic note, which I have no idea where it came from that reads:

...He goes again to the mountains. Now - heavy snow. he find the goddess but she can't solve the situation completely. She says she can give back the life to his brother, but different life. They will be turned into the mountains, next to each other but never able to play again. They will only see each other. But heart beat will be heard. People will hear the heartbeat and they will call the mountains the blood brothers. One day the Yogi comes (or the druid) to the mountains and tells them they will be born again to be able to be friends. They will be born as a children into the land of the highest mountains. He releases them. Yogi again.they are amazed and frozen. yogi goes into meditation orleaves. They see the item the druid kept back then. Now it belongs to Yogi. They understand, the Yogi was the same spirit as the druid. Or they don't but reader does. They keep playing. Last scene. They stare at the mountains.

Seriously WTF is that. Is it a rejected Hanna-Barbera script? A message of importance? And what is it doing in my bag?

This guy fucking loved cats

2010-01-11T18:35:00.000-08:00

So today while looking for images for the soon to be designed blog layout, I stumbled upon this awesome loon who really, REALLY loved cats.
I'm sure he would have been one of those people who lets their cats lick them on the lips or eat sardines out of their mouths.
Anyway, although I didn't type in "Anthropomorphic cats on speed" that's pretty much what I got, and the man responsible for these wonderfully frightening illustrations is Louis Wain .

Now I really like cats. But you know what I like more than cats? Cats dressed as people. Even better with fishing rods.
That one up there is playing GOLF!! That's just ridiculous, cat's don't play GOLF!! Louis. Stop.

I also love it when cats have people names. I had a friend when I was a small child who had a cat called Brendan, and I remember thinking even back then that it was hysterical. Louis had a cat called Peter! Bless!

Anyway, according to the interwebs Louis went crazy after contracting toxoplasmosis which you get from eating cat shit (ok not quite, but almost). Sounds pretty dubious to me. I bet that story was made up by all the haters wishing their own cats were as cool as the ones Louis drew.

For more information on Louis and Peter see here